A Little Polish

Now at 60,000-words and then some, I declared my genre as Middle Grade fiction, and began emailing out query letters to literary agents seeking representation. Needless to say I got plenty of form rejection letters. But that's par for the course, I'm afraid. Little more luck and a lot more rewrites to go.

In this version I expanded the summary, axed the bio, and polished some dialog here and there. I also added 2 opening paragraphs in attempts to sooner draw attention to the heroine, Stacey (the mid-grade kid.) This version was completed 10/12.

Here's the first 2 Chapters:

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FLYWINGS

Copyright 2012, Ryan P. Standley

Summary:
Stacey is new in town and bullied at elementary school until her shipping-clerk dad brings her home a lost parcel. The fairy dress-up wings look normal, but as her dad naps, Stacey discovers they actually fly. Stacey sneaks outside and perfects her flying skills, and soon, when she swoops down to save a boy from drowning, magic goes viral. Global media investigates the mystery, and Stacey is dubbed the Arlington Angel. She shares her secret with her friend Wally and his grandfather, a botany genius whose mutant plants hold their own secret powers. And when Stacey’s dad eventually finds out, it’s the least of her worries. The powerful magician that lost his parcel is back. And he wants more than just Flywings. Stacey’s dad is captured and only she can save him, as two families discover that magic is more trouble than it’s worth.


Chapter 1: Magic Finds a Way

Not long ago, the whole world was fascinated by a flying hero. And this was real, not some comic book or movie. An unknown being swooped down from the sky and saved the day. Seriously, it was all over the news. People were shocked. They didn’t know what or who could possibly fly like that. Some thought, maybe an alien, or a huge bird, but most people called it an angel.

They had no idea it was just a plain old girl flying around up there. Her name was Stacey, and she was minding her own business until magic came along. And this magic was very complicated. The flying spell involved time, distance, random ingredients, and special instructions. All conjured up in California, by a strange and powerful magician.

At the Academy of Sciences, in San Francisco, there was an extraordinary glass dome called Rainforests of the World. The four-story giant bubble was the home of hundreds of frogs, butterflies, birds and lizards that lived among beautiful tropical plants. Families lined up all summer to view the habitat exhibit. But one day a handsome, sharply dressed man arrived alone. The magician carried a backpack, and wore gold rings on every finger. Unlike the rest of the tourists, he didn’t seem very happy.

Penelope, the tour guide, addressed the crowd, “Welcome to Rainforests of the World! Hear frogs croaking and birds chirping. Watch butterflies fly through the air! Look closer and notice caterpillars munching on leaves, and lizards lounging on branches.”

“Cool!” a young boy giggled and snapped a photo of a spiky green caterpillar.

“That caterpillar is very special,” Penelope smiled, “The silky larva of Attacus Atlas from India turns into the biggest butterfly in the world! Someday her wings will span a foot wide! Her cocoon looks like a large dead leaf. There’s actually one hanging right over there. See it?”

“I see it!” the boy exclaimed.

As Penelope pointed to the Atlas cocoon, it suddenly disappeared into thin air!

“Did it fall?” the boy asked.

“I don’t know!” Penelope exclaimed.

Amid the confusion, nobody noticed that the lone, sharply dressed man also vanished. Instantly, he reappeared in the museum parking lot!

The magician removed the cellphone-sized cocoon from his backpack, and then read aloud from his book: “Flying Potion. Ingredient number 1: blood of Attacus Atlas pupa. Got it!” he sighed and browsed the rest of the recipe, “Let’s see. Wire wings, all set, gordaldo root, check, jasmine essence, done…”

“Wait a second!” he frowned while reading, “Bewitched entity must travel east for 3,000 miles in 3 days? Are you kidding me? I’ve got that other spell to do—the cosmos thing!”

The magician shook his head in frustration. “How am I going to travel northwest to Alaska, and carry the wings east?”

Just then a loud parcel delivery van roared past the parking lot, and the magician grinned.


Chapter 2: Meet the Krells

Across the country, Tim Krell checked the time on his computer monitor and smiled—quitting time. Time to pick up his daughter Stacey from school. He grabbed his lunch box and sweatshirt, locked up his chain-linked office and hurried to the exit.

Tim worked nights for United Express, an international shipping corporation, housed in a filthy, loud, mosquito-infested warehouse, an hour north of Boston. Daily, the quality-control clerk sorted though hundreds of mislabeled packages, researched addresses online, and phoned recipients and shippers. If nobody claimed a lost parcel in two weeks it was returned to sender, thrown in the garbage, or sometimes taken home.

In the UnEx parking lot, Tim sat behind the wheel of his Volkswagen Jetta, yawned and turned on his GPS. He had just transferred from the Chicago UnEx last week, and wasn’t quite used to the winding roads of New England. He yawned again as his car lurched forward. Tim was dead tired. He dodged traffic along the highway, exited on Mystic Valley Parkway, and parked in front of Saint Joseph Elementary School, in Arlington, MA.

Stacey Krell sat on the blacktop, fiddling with the buttons of her plaid jumper. The pretty little girl had tan skin, chin-length dark hair and striking hazel eyes. She sighed in relief when she spotted her dad, and ran towards him.

"Hi, sweetie," Tim smiled.

“Hi Dad!” Stacey smiled and hugged Tim. She followed him to the car and they hopped inside. “Why aren’t we walking?” Stacey asked. “Our house is like a block away.”

“Running a little late today,” Tim said. “How was your third day of school?”

“Good,” Stacey smiled.

“Making friends?” Tim asked.

“Yep.” Stacey smiled, “There’s this one boy, Wally—he sits by me and just talks and talks all day! He’s pretty funny though. He talks about bugs and frogs and stuff.”

“Cool,” Tim smiled and started the car.

Two minutes later the Volkswagen pulled up to their newly purchased home. The tiny periwinkle house had a large front porch, which led into the living room, kitchen, and a stairway to upstairs bedrooms. The backyard was complete with a porch and a swing-set, and the finished basement supplied a playroom and a workshop. Cardboard boxes were scattered throughout the house.

“Are we done unpacking yet?” Stacey groaned.

“Almost,” Tim smiled. “You look tired.”

“So do you,” Stacey answered. “Let’s relax a bit.”

The Krells flopped onto the couch and Stacey turned on the television. She watched cartoons while Tim kicked off his boots and stretched out for a nap.

“Can I cuddle you, Dad?”

“Sure,” Tim smiled.

Stacey laid her head on Tim’s lap and he patted her dark hair.

“Whoa!” Tim exclaimed.

“What?” Stacey screamed, “What happened?”

A rice-shaped bug crawled along Stacey’s scalp! He smashed the insect between his fingertips, and then found another insect. And another!

“Bugs!” Tim said urgently. “Let’s go outside.”

Stacey raced out the backdoor and into the backyard. She leaned over and shook her head, then picked through hair with her fingers, “I don’t see any bugs.” she shrugged. “Can I play on the swingset now?”

“Sure,” Tim said. He reached into his pocket, grabbed his cellphone and called his wife at work, “Claire? What do I do? I think Stacey has lice.”

----

Claire Krell hung up her office phone and itched her head. She worked at Quanvol, a biotech company in Cambridge, alongside MIT and Harvard. The PhD scientist conducted vaccine research, and ran experiments in the smallest scale. This specialized job was the reason the family moved to New England.

And the family was expanding! Claire was five months pregnant with a baby boy, and couldn’t be happier. However, her strength was waning, her back ached, and with the news of lice she felt even more uncomfortable.

Claire left Quanvol and boarded a bus to Arlington. She stopped by a drugstore on the way home and bought insecticide shampoo. Claire got home, ran to the backyard, leaned over and scratched her head like crazy!

“Get them off of me!” Claire screamed.

Tim ran over and checked her scalp, “Relax! You hardly have any at all.”

“Good,” Claire sighed and held up the bottle of lice-killing shampoo, “Stacey! Bath time.”

“All right!” Stacey cheered.

----

That evening the late summer air was warm and still. Stacey sat on the back porch, ordered to be motionless. Claire sat on the porch step behind Stacey, her pregnant belly jutting into Stacey’s back. Her fine metal comb passed through Stacey’s wet hair repeatedly. Stacey wondered how long this would take. It felt like her hair had been combed forever.

“Don’t worry, Stacey,” Claire explained. “These little bugs will be a pain for a week, but they’ll go away.”

“I didn’t even see any bugs.” Stacey said.

“They are very, very tiny,” Claire said

“What’s wrong with tiny bugs?” Stacey asked. “I like bugs.”

“They’re gross!” Claire shrieked.

“Where did they come from?” Stacey asked.

“I don’t know,” Claire shrugged. “Probably from school.”

Inside the house Tim hustled around. His bald head shined with sweat, as he threw Stacey’s stuffed animals into garbage bags. Then he cleaned the mattresses and couch, vacuuming up stray hairs, which could carry lice eggs. “Vacuuming is done,” Tim announced and joined the girls on the back porch.

“You put the sheets in the wash?” Claire asked.

“Yep,” Tim nodded.

“What about Stacey’s clothes? Are those washed?”

“Yes,” Tim sighed.

Stacey listened as Claire recited a whole list of chores for Tim to do. Dousing the rugs with insecticide sounded especially disgusting, Stacy thought. That stuff smelled terrible! Maybe sitting still wasn’t so bad after all.

“I’m being a good girl, right?” Stacey asked her mom. “Sitting very still.”

“Yes, honey,” Claire nodded.

“So what am I going to get?”

“How about a clean scalp?” Claire teased.

“Or, how about an ice cream sundae?” Stacey smiled.

“Sounds good to me,” Claire grinned.

The screen door swung open and Tim reappeared on the porch. He sat on the step behind Claire and parted her dark hair with another comb.

“I feel like I’m a monkey,” Tim said. “Ever see monkeys pick each other’s hair? They eat the bugs, right? Can I eat these bugs?”

“No way!” Stacey laughed.

“Gross!” Claire exclaimed. “There aren’t many, are there?”

“Oh, no,” Tim assured her. “Just a couple.”

“Ouch!” Claire jumped, “Stacey, did you feel that?”

“Yeah!” Stacey exclaimed. It felt like someone had poked a finger in her back. “What was that?”

Claire laughed, “Little brother just kicked you!”

“For real?” Stacey smiled. “That silly baby.” Stacey couldn’t wait to meet her brother, but there was still months to go. She turned and gave Claire’s belly a kiss.

“Thanks, honey,” Claire cooed. “You’re going to be a great big sis.”

[end]