Yet Another Query Letter

This letter seems to change so often! Little details-- do they really make a difference? I really have know idea what I'm doing right or wrong. Oh well. Have to keep trying till somebody likes it.

The query is much like the last one. This time character descriptions are given in order of appearance, instead of at random. Also, I focused more on Stacey's decision making inner conflict in graph3. And omitted the cheesy end line in graph5.

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Dear [AGENT],

In FLYWINGS, a girl discovers that her dress-up wings really fly, a secret that she keeps until she saves a boy’s life. This heartwarming and action-packed tale takes place in modern-day New England and is told by the heroin.

Stacey is new in town and anxious to make friends while her mom is breathlessly pregnant, and her dad can’t stop napping. She meets Wally, a slingshot-toting varmint catcher, classmate and neighbor. They become friends and battle the conniving school bully. Meanwhile Wally’s grandpa, a retired botany genius, grows outrageous mutant plants, gives Stacey advice, and tries to unlock the science behind her wings. Then a dangerous magician and rightful owner of the wings arrives and hunts Stacey down.

For months Stacey loves flying more than anything. At first, despite several test runs on her bed, she crash-lands onto her swingset. But soon she’s gracefully parting the clouds like bubbles in a bath. Flying also leads Stacey into some frightening situations. She’s forced to make quick decisions that aren’t always right. Stacey flies her baby brother over a lake in a blizzard, hogties an infamous burglar, and accidentally reveals the magician’s only weakness.

All along Stacey struggles with honesty and selfishness. Even when news of a flying “Angel” hits town, Stacey still doesn’t tell her parents. She knows they would take the wings away and her excitement could end forever.

As per your submission instructions, I’ve included [a plot synopsis and the first 50 pages] My completed 50,000-word, middle-grade manuscript awaits your request. Thanks!

Best,

Ryan P. Standley